How do i change myself a bit more?

To be honest I might not be much help because all you just wrote sounds exactly like what I am going through. I am depressed and I know my friends have seen a change in me. I'm not nearly the happy person I used to be in high school. If try to act like I used to it just feels forced and I feel they can notice it. I want to be how I used to be but since so many things has happened that I know I can't. I can only grow towards becoming the person I've changed into, except I really am not sure who've changed into. It is hard to hang out with friends because I feel like I am raining on their parade, but I still attempt to socialize so that I am not holed up in my room (i know all about watching movies online). You can't make yourself change it's just going to happen on its as it kind of already has. You might want to consider, if you're not already, seeing a therapist. Talking to a person face to face about what is going on with you will help wonders. If you ever want to talk, you should email me. we can be pin pals or something :)